Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
