No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
