dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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