There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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