im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
