My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
me + whiskey = a bad person
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
