Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
