Your favorite bartender is back from prision
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
