I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Just puked most of my soul out..
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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