Can i not drive my cunt home
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
