you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
