we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize