I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
