i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
