i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
