Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
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I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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