Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
