the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Pooping to opera.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
