My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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