Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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