I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
