i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
