don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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