i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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