but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
