So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
