You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
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