Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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