OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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