90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
