I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
