I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
50% drunk capacity currently
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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