Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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