RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
