I wish I could teleport
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
