Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
