Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
