so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
