I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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