Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
