i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
