its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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