i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
