I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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