I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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