A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize