My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
