I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
