totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
