that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
