hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
