I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
