I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
