saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
