I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
