Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
