but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
