This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
