i jhust puked up my retainher.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
