When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
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