can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Randomize
