Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
