At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I cockslap morals
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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