and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
