I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
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