Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
