I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
