I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
