There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
