Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
