He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
